ON THE LIGHTER SIDE
One day a snake, a turtle and a centipede are having a party.
After two cases of beer are gone, they needed more beer.
So they discuss who's going to go get the beer.
The turtle says, "I will go, you both just wait here."
Two hours later, the turtle wasn't back yet, so the centipede says, “I will go.”
So they open the door and see the turtle is still walking out of the door.
Because turtles walk too slow the centipede says, “You both wait for me to come back, I've got a lot of legs, so i can walk fast.”
The snake and the turtle wait for another two hours.
Finally the snake says, “What is taking the centipede so long?
So they open the door and check, the centipede is still at the front of the door still trying to put on all his shoes.
Finally the snake says, “let me go, I can walk fast, and i dont have feet to put shoes on.”
So the snake leaves.
After three hours, the snake wasn't back yet.
Both of them went to the store to find the snake.
And they saw snake stand there.
The snake says, " Don't give me those dirty looks, it only took me 5 minutes to get to the store, but I am still figuring out how to bring the beer back."
Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle. The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time. The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return. Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them “The first one who can use the words “liver” and “cheese” together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me.” The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says “I love liver and cheese.” “Oh, how childish,” said the Poodle. “That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever.” She turned to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and said “How well can you do?” “Ummmm...I HATE liver and cheese,” blurts the Golden Retriever. “My, my,” said the Poodle. “I guess it’s hopeless. That’s just as dumb as the Lab’s sentence.” She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, “How about you, little guy?” The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in fame and finesse, is the Taco Bell chihuahua. He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says...
“Liver alone. Cheese mine.”
A woman was waiting in the checkout line at a shopping center. Her arms were laden with a mop and broom and other cleaning supplies. By her hard glances and deep sighs, it was obvious she was in hurry and not a happy camper about the slowness of the line.
When the cashier called for a price check on a box of soap, the woman remarked indignantly, "Well, I'll be lucky to get out of here and home before Christmas!"
"Don't worry, ma'am," replied the clerk. "With a good tail wind and that brand new broom you have there, you'll be home in no time."
Drinking & Smoking
A travelling salesman was passing through a small town in the West when he saw a little old man sitting in a rocking chair on the stoop of his house. The little old man looked so contented that the salesman couldn't resist going over and talking to him. "You look as if you don't have a care in the world," the salesman told him. "What is your formula for a long and happy life?" "Well," replied the little old man, "I smoke six packs of cigarettes a day, I drink a quart of bourbon every four hours and six cases of beer a week. I never wash and I go out every night." "My goodness," exclaimed the salesman, "that's just great! How old are you?" "Twenty-five," was the reply!
Funny pictures, stories, whatever - just light entertainment
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