Hike in the Woods
Mike, Jack, and Gary go for a hike in the woods.
They are out about an hour enjoying the sights when they come around a sharp bend in the trail and spot a bear just in front of them feeding off some vegetation next to the trail.
The bear lets out a menacing growl when it notices the hikers.
Mike says "jump up and down, make some noise to scare it away".
Jack says “that won't work, we need to play dead".
They both ask Gary “what do we do?"
There is no reply. Turning around they see Gary far down the trail behind them.
Old Granny Parkinson had won over half a million dollars in the lottery, but as she was a frail little woman her family was concerned that the shock of hearing the news might prove too much for her. Accordingly, they called in the family doctor to ask his advice.
“I’ll tell her if you like,” said the doctor. “I’ll lead up to it gradually.” The family accepted his offer gratefully, and showed him into the old lady’s bedroom. The doctor pretended to give her a routine examination and then began to chat generally of this and that, carefully leading the conversation ‘round to money. “Tell me Mrs. Parkinson,” He said, “what would you do if you suddenly came into half a million dollars?”
“Half a million?” said the old lady reflectively, “well you’ve always been very good to me, doctor, so I think I’d give half of it to you.”
And the doctor immediately collapsed and died of shock.
A surgeon was checking on a patient who had a hernia operation three days before.
The doctor asked the man why he had not gotten out of bed. “I hurt,” the man said.
“You don’t know how it feels.” “I know exactly how it feels,” the doctor said. “I had the same procedure last month, and I was back at work two days later. There’s no difference in our operations.” “Oh yes there is,” said the patient. “You had a different surgeon.”
The man lay on the couch telling his psychiatrist a sad tale. “I see my brother, Doctor,” he said. “He is walking down a long corridor, walking up fifteen steps in the green door. There are lots of people standing around. They’re bandaging his eyes – ooh – Doctor, Doctor what does it mean?” “Well,” said the psychiatrist, “if they ain’t playing blind man’s bluff he’s in real trouble.
A famous doctor was being interviewed the news media. Looking to spice things up a little, one reporter asked if the doctor had ever made any serious mistakes.
“Well, yes,” the doctor sighed. “I once cured a multimillionaire.”
“How was that a mistake? The reporter asked.
The doctor shook his head wearily. “I did it in one visit!”
Funny pictures, stories, whatever - just light entertainment
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