Humour


Funny pictures, stories, whatever - just light entertainment
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Rob H
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Humour

Postby Rob H » Fri Feb 26, 2016 3:06 pm



How to start your Day with a Positive Outlook (particularly for those who know what housework involves)


1. Open a new file in your PC.

2. Name it "Housework."

3. Send it to the RECYCLE BIN.

4. Empty the RECYCLE BIN.

5. Your PC will ask you, "Are you sure you want to delete Housework permanently?"

6. Answer calmly, "Yes," and press the mouse button firmly....

7. Feel better?


Pilot

There is a Rookie Pilot and Co-pilot and they are coming in for a landing, the Pilot says, "Damn that runway is small give me 1/4 flaps".

As they get closer the Pilot says, "Damn that's a small runway, give me 1/2 flaps."

As they're coming in closer the Pilot again says, "Damn that's a small Runway Give Me Full Flaps."

After they land the Plane safely the Pilot says, "That's the smallest runway I've ever landed on."


Funny Familiar Feeling

Then the Co-pilot says, "Yes it is, but look at how wide it is."

Once upon a time, two good ole boys, Curtis & Leroy, saw an ad in the Starkville, MS daily and bought a mule for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day.

The next morning the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, fellows, I have some bad news, the mule died last night." Curtis & Leroy replied, well, then just give us our money back." The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."

They said, "OK then, and just bring us the dead mule."

The farmer asked, "What in the world ya'll gonna do with a dead mule?"

Curtis said, "We gonna raffle him off."

The farmer said, "You can't raffle off a dead mule!"

Leroy said, "We sure can! Heck, we don't hafta tell nobody he's dead!"

A couple of weeks later, the farmer ran into Curtis & Leroy at the Piggly Wiggly grocery store and asked. "What'd you fellers ever do with that dead mule?"

They said, "We raffled him off like we said we wuz gonna do." Leroy said, "Shucks, we sold 500 tickets fer two dollars apiece and made a profit of $998."

The farmer said, "My Lord, didn't anyone complain?"

Curtis said, "Well, the feller who won got upset. So we gave him his two dollars back."

Curtis and Leroy now work for the government. They're overseeing the Medicare and Social Security Programs.

Temper

A woman goes to the Doctor, worried about her husband's temper.

The Doctor asks: "What's the problem?"

The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my husband seems to lose his temper for no reason. It scares me."

The Doctor says: "I have a cure for that. When it seems that your husband is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow it until he either leaves the room or calms down."

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

The woman says: "Doctor that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband started losing it, I swished with water. I swished and swished, and he calmed right down! How does a glass of water do that?"


The Doctor says: "The water itself does nothing. It's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick."



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Mh434
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1981 GL1100I
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Re: Humour

Postby Mh434 » Sat Feb 27, 2016 8:17 pm

The last one is hilarious! I have the strangest feeling that repeating it to my wife could have "consequences"...serious consequences! :lol:

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OldZX11Rider
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Location: Garfield, Arkansas
Motorcycle: 1994 Honda GL1500 Goldwing SE

Re: Humour

Postby OldZX11Rider » Sat Apr 09, 2016 8:25 pm

I thought the last one was funny as h€'ll!
But when I read it to my wife, she didn't laugh. So I started to explain it to her.
Then, from the look in her eye, I realized no explanation was necessary.
Oops! :roll:
For he is the minister of God to thee for good. But if thou do that which is evil, be afraid; for he beareth not the sword in vain:

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maintainer
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Joined: Sun Mar 22, 2015 11:39 am
Location: Houston, Texas
Motorcycle: 1977 GL 1000
1982 GL 1100 Interstate (Sold)

Re: Humour

Postby maintainer » Sun Apr 10, 2016 8:00 am

OldZX11Rider wrote:I thought the last one was funny as h€'ll!
But when I read it to my wife, she didn't laugh. So I started to explain it to her.
Then, from the look in her eye, I realized no explanation was necessary.
Oops! :roll:



I should have scrolled down and read your reply. AND LEARNED FROM IT!!!
Thats almost exactly what I did but after my enthusiastic burst of laughter mine said: What is so funny?

After I read her the joke, her reply coupled with the ole familiar death stare reminded me that sometimes it's best to restrain my amusement. :)
1982 GL 1100 Interstate SOLD
1977 GL 1000 Standard (naked can be good, who knew?)

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OldZX11Rider
Posts: 1129
Joined: Mon Nov 09, 2015 9:25 am
Location: Garfield, Arkansas
Motorcycle: 1994 Honda GL1500 Goldwing SE

Re: Humour

Postby OldZX11Rider » Sun Apr 10, 2016 9:31 am

Well, in our defense, they both asked "What's so funny?". :lol:


For he is the minister of God to thee for good. But if thou do that which is evil, be afraid; for he beareth not the sword in vain:


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